Pattaya and Bangkok Expat Nightlife and Views

Pulp Fiction and Divorce And Why Many Men Go to Thailand

2006-08-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

If you've seen the movie Pulp fiction you
may remember a classic seen where
Maynard and Zed took Butch and Marsellus
Wallace down in the basement, had them
don gag balls in the mouth and took
Wallace into the back room.

Nothing good ever happens in the back
room of the basement, lets face it.

Sure enough Zed starts throwing a pounding
on Marsellus Wallace that the hillbilly in
Deliverance would have been proud of. Butch
tied up at this point, gets loose.

Instead of booking it, he grabs a sword and goes
to save Marsellus Wallace, who actually wanted
to kill him.

Wallace is saved but still had to put up with the
the rapist Zed working him from behind for quite
a long time...10 seconds would be an eternity.

After saving him, Butch (Bruce Willis) says to
Wallace (Ving Rhames):
"You ok".

To which Wallace replies:
"Nah man, I'm pretty fuckin' far from OK. "

This is not unlike the feeling that most men deal
with after getting divorced. I know guys who are
left to live on less than 30% of their paycheck,
lost the house, kids, self-respect...what a world.

Many of them have to deal with the fact that the
ex is banging some charmer in their house, their
bed...

It's no wonder many men go in search of a simpler
way of life. Follow the rules your whole life, and still
come out feeling like Marsellus Wallace.

If you don't have a plan B, that's a bummer!

Bangkok Babyon by Jerry Hopkins

2006-08-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite authors is Jerry Hopkins.
I've read nearly all his books and two favorites
are Bangkok Babylon and Thailand Confidential.
If you haven't read either, you should check
him out.

Hopkins has penned a number of excellent
books. Earlier in his career he was an editor
for Rolling Stone and wrote biographies on
Elvis and Jim Morrison.

Later Hopkins moved to Thailand and wrote
several books on Thai culture, from exotic
foods to expat commentaries. I find his books
on Thai culture brutally honest and hilarious.

Jerry has lived in Thailand for years and offers
a great perspective on a number of issues.
Jerry married a bar girl, so you know this is
a guy who walks the walk.

You can see all of Jerry Hopkins books at his
website:
www.JerryHopkins.com

Internet Dating World of the BBW

2006-08-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Another Internet Dating
Exclusive From Pattayajoe

Here's an alternative situation, hypothetical of course.

You've just gone through a shitty 20 year marriage,
now divorced it crossed your mind that you'd like to
get laid.

You're entitled to some female companionship, you've
put kids through college, given up the house you paid
for and even send out money routinely. How you wound
up the suckbag you'll never know, you seem to be paying
for everything for everyone.

Reality is, you're really not that bad of a guy.

Before you know it, you've found yourself in the BBW chat
room...you think you've found a sure thing!

Hell, wouldn't find me there...

BBW meaning 'Big Beautiful Woman, although the beautiful
is purely subjective. You think they should change the
name to BW, Big Woman. But hey, big girls need love to,
or so the saying goes. The fact is, you're hornier than
a bucket full of bullhead, so a younger woman with big
hooters sounds like a good idea.

So you do the instant messenger thing and start courting
some bigger chicks. You're in your 40's and start chatting
with some early to mid twenties BBW's.

You figure your chances are good. Most the guys this age
are green as crab apples and are chasing playmates, you
figure the BBW road warriors will jump at the chance
to hit the sack with a stud like yourself.

The reality sets in..."oh no, I'm a chubby chaser".

Then you ask yourself, is this what's it has come to?
There must be a better way. There must be a place where
a nice financially successful guy can get back in the
game.

You start searching on the internet and find some sites
of some older guys who are actually happy in the dating
scene, they seem to actually be enjoying life, until the
machine catches up with them...read the Viagra Papers
Part 1 here!

Welcome to South Asia!

Dodgy Farang Types

2006-08-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

Was doing some blog reading today and ran
across a blog that spoke of "those dodgy
farang types".

Basically the author was pointing out that
for the most part we're all a bunch of heavy
issued suckbags. The author was some
english guy, or she pretended to be.

First off, he might have a point...but do we
really need some pussy telling us? I mean,
who else does he think is going to read this
blog outside of us dodgy farang types?

I suppose he thinks he'll get pc points from
the oprah book of the month club group. Those
pc types don't really care about Pattaya bro...it
doesn't make their ratings go up, matter of fact
it makes them go down.

You may have farts that smell like roses,
but there are those of us who are a little rougher
around the edges. We use to be referred to as men,
but now because of guys like you we're dodgy, pigs,
vermin.

Pattaya is the party capital of the world. Consider
yourself lucky to have been there. Next time you
get a chance to go, take off your skirt and walk into
any bar. You might like what you see and you might
get some interesting conversation from some of us
dodgy farang types.

There are those of us who are:
1. Writers
2. Former lawyers
3. Businessmen
4. Construction workers
5. Suckbags
6. All around good guys
7. Shitheads

Matter of fact, it's not a lot different from walking into
any bar in your own hometown...except of course there's
a lot of exotic women who don't piss and moan as much
are you're used to.

Pattaya Video Here...

2006-08-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

Surfing around the other day I found this
great little video on Pattaya nightlife...I'm
getting a yearning for the ocean!!!

Enjoy!

Pattaya Video Click Here

Plastic Society

2006-08-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

Although I love my country, the USA, it has some
serious issues. Issues that I don't think she'll ever
overcome. The states is never able to overcome an
issue that's detrimental when that same issue is
financially strong.

For one thing nothing about life in the states is real.
Let's look at some examples:

1. Television stars and medai personalities
are full of liposuction, breast implants,
face lifts, and of course shit.

2. Athletes - a serious steroid problem exists
and has existed for years. Leagues, players,
fans and the media have chosen to look the
other way for one reason, keep the money
rolling in. Nary a natural body in the
group.

3. Online life - enter a chat room lately?
Filled with fake bots, phone sex girls
and other of the ilk. You can't even
be a happy wanker.

4. Politics - politics in the states is meant
to do one thing, manipulate the masses. Their
are huge industries that have been created
for this. Wilsonian idealism at its best.
Candidates on both sides are a joke. Forget
the good of the country, it's either right or
left, democrat or republican.

5. Marriage - marriage is a farce. Divorce rates
are well over 50%, I think near 75%. The reason
nobody does anything about it? Well, it's a huge
industry of course, lawyers, counselors and other
block sucking leaches.

6. News - the news outlets have all but been monopolized
and have merely become pr firms for the government.
We haven't had unbiased news for years, it's
disgraceful.

This list could go on and on..

The fact of the matter is, this society is going right
down the shit shoot.

Me...I'll take what's real. Running in the Pattaya
sand and living life. Nursing a beer, scoping the babes,
writing my books...

Dingleberry Picker Needed

2006-08-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

Watching fox news last night, I felt like
punishing myself, I heard that Madonna
was back in the news.

Now, I'm not much of a businessman, but
I think it goes like this...the material girl
has a pr firm or group of publicists that she
pays huge bucks to, huge!

The pay back is if the American public buys
it and she gets the investment back 10 fold.
So far, the American public has yet to let her
down. God bless her for pulling off the scam
that she does.

If I was in any bar in Bangkok I honestly could
see her having a hard time coming up with any
bar fines...for the month.

Time in and time out these American scam artists
are able to pull it off, it's amazing. Years ago I'd be
called a cynic, today I'm called a realist as more and
more people are realizing they're merely pawns in
a ridiculous marketing game.

When it comes down to it, what do you really need?
Food, water...and exotic women, nuff said.

Am I Counting the Days?

2006-08-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

One of the few people who knows that I'm
leaving for Thailand soon asked me "Are you
counting the days?"

Everytime I hear the word "folks" in a meeting
today, it causes me to count the friggin' days.
I'm not quite sure how this became a corporate
american buzz word, but today it's only rivalled
by "action item", an oldie but a goodie.

Anytime I sit down in a meeting and here someone
say...
"we've talked with the folks at the coporate divisoin"
...I immediately know the guy is an asshole.

I leave the meeting, see myself sitting on the beach
in Pattaya or Phuket, staring at the peaches and
getting grilled shrimp brought out to me.

So am I counting the days, yeah I'm counting the
fuckin' days!

Advice to Mel Gibson, Sit Down and Shut Up

2006-08-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson was accused of making anit-semetic
remarks. Okay...

Who among us hasn't uttered the N work or
made derogatory comments on anothers race. It's
not right, but we don't live in a perfect world either.

Yes, I know...not you. It's like all the grade school
boys, none of them are jerking off...ejaculate is basted
on their hands, but not a wanker in the crowd.

So to make matters worse, Mel makes ridiculous comments
born out of panic to the effect of "I want the jewish community
to help me and let me find the way".

Come on Mel. Here's my advice:
1. Sit down
2. Shut up
3. Wait it out for two weeks

By that time there'll be something else in the news that
removes you completely...Pam Anderson gets caught
blowing someone, Michael Jackson get accused of being
a diddler again, the USA starts bombing some defenseless
country.

Take a suck pill and hang in there!!!

Erectile Dysfunction Market

2006-08-01T06:53:00.000-07:00

On the subject of culture in the states and sex...
never has there been such a problem with men
not wanting to have sex with their wives.

You have products selling like hot cakes such
as:

Better sex life courses

Pills to make your schlong longer

Erectile dysfunction pills

The market is so big, it doesn't even bear trying
to enter it...

Many times erectile dysfunction is not ED at
all, it's simply a matter of not being attracted to
someone.

When I'm in the states, the number of men I see
that aren't happy being with their woman is staggering.
Just by looking, you can tell...little wonder that the
online porno interest makes so much money,
sexually frustration is rampid.

I bring this up because I was talking to a friend of mine
the other day who stays in Bangkok, he's about 60 and
his girlfriend is mid-thirties. Another person I know made
a derogatory remark about this.

I asked this person, "what age is it for a man that a
gorgeous woman is no longer attractive?"

This of course went unanswered but what can you do...

Hazards In Pattaya

2006-07-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

According to a leading British Insurance company,
the most common problems that Brits in Pattaya
face are:
Food poisoning
Theft
Traffic accidents
Loss of belongings

I tried to compare this to what I see as my most
common hazards in Pattaya and do a comparison.

My most common hazards:
1. General Assholery - This usually happens by
lard-ass farangs who are drinking too much and
need to broadcast the fact that they're loud and
ignorant. Probably homesick.

2. Random dog who looks like they have rabies.
Anyone ever been approached by one of these
fuckers? I love dogs but I've seen some seedy
bastards in pattaya.

Those are my big 2.

I've never had food poisoning in Pattaya. I got it
bad in Bangkok, but now I'm very careful about
what I eat. After a while of being in Thailand you
tend to build up a tolerance.

As far as theft and loss of belongings, I travel very
light and keep almost nothing in my person. Bottom
line is I don't have much to get ripped off.

I also wide track busy streets and have grown eyes
in the back of my head. Ever since a friend of mine
got hit by a taxi on the sidewalk in Bangkok, I
constantly look around in white knuckle terror.

Tale of 2 Western Women

2006-07-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, two women needed lots
of attention...lots!

So much in fact that they decided to take
on the courts so they could get married to
one another, being lesbians they were entitled.

Once married, like typical western women, the
rush of getting married soon passed over, so the
obvious solution to interject some excitement
into their pathetic lives was of course...adopting
children.

A really bad idea in what turned out to be a long
history of bad ideas.

So of course children only interjected more work
and not excitement...so it looks like our two
lesbians had been had.

They shortly divorced...much to everyones surprise.

In a culture where women are brought up to
constantly have the spotlight shined on them, these
stories are common.

Waa-Hooo

2006-07-28T13:58:00.000-07:00

Wa-Hoooo!

Retire to shit point Idaho...NOT!

Other Reasons I'm Happy To Be In Thailand

2006-07-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today's music sucks large.

Even the kids are listening to older music.
It's not a matter of like it was when we
were younger and our parents music was
awful, the new music legitimately blows.

I have a theory on this. Because those who
are in their 20's are basically generation
sissification, sucked on mommy's tit for
so long...they never really experienced the
emotional needs to be creative.

Back in the 70's, your father was either a
WW2 dad who kicked you in the nuts every
day, or he left...

As a result, we had some of the greatest
rock music of all time. Take a time warp
back to the late 70's, and you'll remember
such classic albums as:

Back in Black
Frampton Comes Alive
Rumours
The Wall

None of this shit that you here today.

Land of Crappy Food

2006-07-21T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm in the airport in Detroit, and the heffer
says to her friend, "we're going to the land of
crappy food. All the good food is here in the
United States."

Now...as far as being an expert in food from the
states, I have no doubt. It didn't look like she
ever missed a meal her whole life, with an ass
the stood 12 axe handles wide.

Best food is in the states?

But, this is the typical reaction of someone from
the states who hasn't ventured outside of the
country and sampled the faire from other
countries.

Detroit is an international hub with many flights
going to Asia. I can't imagine any Asian country
that would make a shitty food list, with the
possible exception of Pinay food. At least while
I was there, the food sucked.

Anyway, the point is, western wenches generally
suck.

Moving to Farang-Land

2006-07-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

No doubt most westerners who move to
Thailand have the wrong idea, and not
enough money.

Chances of getting a job that pays decent
are slim, unless some company from the
states or Europe sends you to Bangkok
with home-pay.

If you don't have enough, you'll squander
away. Maybe even turn into one of those
poor hideous souls that hang out in the
alleyways of Pattaya.

If you choose to move to Thailand, you must
have the income. The best you can do is have
residual monthly income that you can derive
from sources in the states or Europe, and you
don't need to be there.

This is easier said than done, and requires a
thinking cap...but I'm doing it, and without
a doubt, I'm a slacker.

The obvious thing to try is some sort of web
based business. But be careful...there are
a gazilion scumbags trying to sell info on how
to make money on the web, and the only real
money they've ever made was selling that
info to suckers. They've never actually made
money selling anything...I've bought a ton of
useless shit.

Once I started making money, I realized most
was useless.

Shit-Point Idaho

2006-07-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

Been off posting for a couple days due to having
to work...travelled to the south to do some
software installations.

Which of course only fuels my fire to make me
want to get the fuck out of here faster.

On the way there, I picked up a magazine which
had an article on retirement. One of the hidden
gems of retiring in the states, according to them,
was Sand Point Idaho. Paaaaaaaaarty!!!

I can't imagine a more miserable existance. You
work a suck job your whole life, then retire to a
near death existence to the fish and fowel
capital of the world.

What could possibly make a man yearn for death
more? Or die of complete boredom.

In retirement or not, you've got to live and fell
alive.

77 And What It Means to YOU

2006-07-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

I got several emails regarding this post,
here...

I must say, the story did strike home.

The average life expectancy is 77! At
least according to some sensus I read.
Despite this, people spend hours, days,
and years being stressed out about shit
that will not mean anything to anyone,
especially when they're gone.

If you haven't been enjoying life, it's time
to start now. You don't have to become a
total train wreck and go apeshit, just
evaulate your life, find out what's not
making you happy, and see what you're
able to change.

This is the exact thing I did to start the
process to move to Pattaya and live on
the beach. I've always wanted to do this.

I never wanted a mansion, just a nice
place where I could see and walk to the
beach.

The planning for what you'd like your
life to be like starts now. You never know
when it will be too late.

McDonald's Ass Syndrome

2006-07-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

If you've been travelling to Bangkok for
some time, you're not doubt beginning to
notice more fat people as the years wear
on.

Food marketing giants and corporations aren't
satisfied with getting all Americans addicted
to sugars and fats, they won't be content
until they spread their poison throughout
each and every continent with their processed
shitty food.

In Thailand most Thai will eat many times a
day, but these meals are small, portion
controlled, and consist of fish and meats that
aren't processed. They do eat noodles and rice
in small quantities, as well as sweets.

Inject the marketing mindset of the mega-
coporations who have a product that already
sells, and a target audience that wants to be
like the west, and you've got it...a chance to
ruin another culture by making them fat, lazy
and apathetic.

That food should be outlawed.

Let me head off the "well they don't have to
eat it" emails. I hate being emailed by stupid
people who are unconsciously ignorant.

You don't need to stop at red lights either, but
you're suppose to, and it's a law. Why? Because
it's bad for you health not too.

Is this how it ends?

2006-07-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

You're an older man, alone. Not rich but
you have enough.

You've left the rat race for your time in the
sun. Sun, beach, drinks, very nice female
companionship.

You wonder why you didn't come to Pattaya
long ago, you love it so much. Everything
seems so distant, like a dream...did your
previous life really suck the johnson bar
that much?

And then it happens...you die!

http://www.pattayapeople.com/archive/news1731-may2006.php

Should Have Learned His Lesson

2006-07-10T19:11:00.000-07:00

Took the in-laws to the Hard Rock Cafe
in Niagara Falls last night. A table made
up of about 10 people from Quebec had
quite a night.

They were there to celebrate a birthday,
but as the evening progressed a 50ish
man at the table gave an engagement ring
to a woman of the same age. She was not
too bad looking, trying to hold it together,
and was working some big boobs she no
doubt used to rope this poor sap in.

The women at the table have no doubt
enveloped enough peter in their day to
rival a sick gaggle of whores.

After getting that wedding ring she was
no doubt going to blow his socks off, but
she had the face that she is without a
doubt going to turn into madam ballbuster
within days of marriage.

The groom to be had no doubt been through
the mill. He had the look of hard time with
women tatooed on his face, but unfortunately
he still hasn't learned his lesson.

He's never been to Bangkok...and it just might
be too late.

White Trash Central, Casinos Suck

2006-07-09T05:24:00.000-07:00

In-laws are in from Thailand, I took them to
Niagara Falls.

Took the In-law to a casino in upstate New York,
and I must say the I was impressed by the White
Trash factor...rock bottom!

Which is of course why I hate casinos and I don't
gamble. No better sign of big business having a
license to print money and preying on the slugs
of society.

Funny thing is, you always have to listen to
everyone and how they're winning...sure they
are.

Those casinos don't look the way they do because
people are winning. And the casinos, those fuckers,
I saw some poor slob actually doing ok in blackjack
for a few hands and wouldn't you know, the big
heffer pit boss chick came right over and made
the 5 dollar table a $25 dollar table.

Of course this poor slug had to do, judging by his
clothes, chocolate stained t shirt, cum stained
sweats...he wasn't in a position to battle the
house.

In-Laws In the States

2006-07-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

The shoe's on the other foot now as my
in-laws are visiting the states from Bangkok.
No matter who I meet from Thailand in the
states, they always want to eat Thai food in
the states as opponsed to our routine fare.

The same does not hold true for when farang
are in Thailand, most want to eat Thai food,
and get their fix with the occasional steak, if
you can find a good one.

It will be interesting to see what Thai restaurants
they actually find comparable to those in Bangkok.
I have a few that I like, but whenever I bring a
Thai national there they seem unimpressed.

Often times we'll just cook in. If you've never
been in a house where some authentic Thai
cooking is going on, you need to experience it.
The fiery peppers are ground down very fine
and are circulating in the air, when you walk by,
if you take a healthy hit, it's like getting maced
as you run for cover.

The Viagra Papers...Part 1

2006-07-05T16:17:00.000-07:00

Late Breaking News!!!

A pattayajoe exclusvie...

Although seemingly insignificant, Rush "Lard-Arse"
Limbaugh's Viagra bust will have an impact on those
"hard" working farangs and expats after all.

In a pattayajoe exclusive, we've intercepted some
high-level conversations from those in power.

Sir, we've got major issues. Although we've caught
that fat fuck with Viagra and no one really cares,
after looking further into the issue we've got some
absolutely staggering information.

Yes JB, please, go on...

Well, apparently, there's a segment of expatriots in
Thailand who have actually got their hands on the blue pill
are are using it for totally selfish indulgent reasons.
They're taking Viagra and Cialis in high quantities,
banging hot chicks and actually enjoying life.

Oh no...

Yes Sir, and it gets worse. They've taken all the
money they've made here in the states and leveraged
the strength of the dollar, and are living like kings.

Good God...do you mean to tell me they've thumbed their
nose at the proverbial treadmill we've sent them up
on and they found a way to remove themselves from our
slave society?

Sir, I'm afraid so sir...

Oh my...

And sir, I've left out one thing. Some of them are actually
writing about their experiences on the internet in blogs so
the common beasts can read it for themselves. I'm afraid
we've got to act fast.

Coming Soon...Part 2

Magnanimous Shitbums In Pattaya...

2006-07-05T05:53:00.000-07:00

If you're a farang living in the land of smiles
and you come across a group of male teens
that have that look in their eye, just cross
the street and stay out of harms way.

Forget that "I have a right to be here" bullshit,
save that for those in the states or whereever it
is you come from.

Recently 3 GIGANTIC pussies attacked a
reporter, who was alone (of course), by kicking
him off his bike as he was travelling. A real ballsy
move.

Then when he went to call police, they attacked
him with a foot long knife. This resulted in a skirmish
that caused the death of a police volunteer, who was
also an electrician at the View Talay, where many
farang live.
Story here:
http://www.pattayapeople.com/archive/news1740-june2006.php

There is much available for those who have extra
testosterone in Thailand rather than picking on
defenseless bicycle riders. Many Muay Thai camps
are open, you just have to show up and prove your
balls. Then again, attacking a defenseless man on a
bicycle, I guess we know the answer to the balls
question.

Be on the lookout for assholes at all times, cross the
street where you have to, jump into the coffe shop
if need be...don't be a hero. You've seen them walking
around, many of these shitbums are just walking around
waiting to cause a homicide.

Have You Seen My Sexy Thai Girl?

2006-07-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

Pattaya Today newspaper reports:

Japanese national Mr Akira Kusumoto has contacted
the local press to see if they can help track down his
Thai girl friend (circle) with whom he has lost touch.
Mr Akira said he had come to Pattaya on holiday in
May this year and conducted a lightning affair with a
Thai woman. He went back to his home country but
was unable to get her out of his mind. He barely slept and
was abominably miserable.

Read story here...

Mr. Kusumoto has left his number with the Thai
newspaper should anyone come across his girl, and
no, I don't mean that literally.

Ahhh the gift that keeps on giving...a middle aged man
not happy unless he makes a complete fuck-wit of
himself. Let's hope hari-kari is out of the question
should Mr. Kusomoto come to realize that his Thai
lovely knows many Japanese men.

I have a friend who has a Thai "girlfriend". She recently
emailed him and told him of her woe, she needed money
to finish off her house or she'd lose it. That's a new one,
how many farangs in the panel have gotten that one
before?

The dumb-motherfucker bought it. Did I step in and
tell him he's a dipshit? No...I think he's happy shelling
out the dough. Where else will he have a sexy woman
pretending to need him? Certainly not in the states.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

More Rectal Cranium Insertion

2006-07-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

I was visiting a friend of mine recently and
he shared his ex's reaction of his plan to visit
me in Thailand, her response was:
"You mean the pedophile capital of the world".

I won't single out his ex-wife, the fact that she's
extremely ignorant is beside the point. The point
is, this opinion is shared by many in the states
who suffer from rectal cranium insertion.

Pedophiles are not doubt the worst of the worst.
Anyone who preys on a defenseless child really
ought to find the tallest building around and take
one for the team.

With that being said, those from the states really
need to take their head out of their ass on this one.

What I would like to address is the blatant denial
that goes on in the states. My friends ex-wife made
this statement, and I haven't heard her once state
an opinion about the rampid child abuse that had
taken place in her beloved parish. I guess that's a
different story.

Maybe in her opinion child abuse by those in the
clergy doesn't count, or as stated she's just in complete
denial. Most often this type of abuse in the states is
covered up because it happens within families as
opposed to out in the open.

Child abuse anywhere is a curse we can all do without,
but open up your eyes...and if you can prevent it from
happening in any situation, take action, no matter where
it is, South Asia or the states.

Off the Rails...A Classic Read

2006-07-02T04:19:00.000-07:00

When it comes to non-fiction books for farangs and expats,
there is one book out there that that reigns supreme, in
my humble opinion:
Off the Rails In Phnom Penh

Written by Amit Gilboa, the book is a true story as
witnessed by by Amit in strife-torn Cambodia in the 90's.
Analgous of the wild west, Gilboa hooks up with a
group of pathetic English teachers and the rest is
history, "I done taught English two years".

It's an amazing work, excellent historical content about
a land that you won't be seeeing on Fox News.

You will not be able to put it down and you won't
believe it.

Five Stars!

Change of Seasons Can Suckle Me

2006-07-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Because I spend so much time in Thailand, one of the typical comments I get from my miserable brethren in the states is:
"Don't you miss the change of seasons?"

Funny thing is, they're so pathetically miserable, that's the best they can do, the change of seasons.

No, no and hell fuckin' no I don't miss the change of seasons. I hate raking leaves, I hate shoveling snow,
the trees changing colors do nothing for me...if I
never see another snow storm again it will be too
soon.

I want beach, sun, the occasional rain storm...and I
want that every single day.

Which of course leads them to the follow-up:
"Why don't you move to Arizona?"

You see, they just don't get it. It's like all the times
your father told you to study, did you? No, because
you just didn't get it. And they won't get it...most
people from the states can't fathom a world beyond
their own and most have never even been outside
of the states.

Music In the Land of Smiles

2006-06-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

Being married to a Thai woman means I get to go
sit in the Karaoke room and watch some Thai
national butcher rock songs. It's become one of
my favorite things to do, and here's why:

My karaoke war routine is the following:

1 shot of tequila, prefarably 1800
a beer
another shot of tequila
another beer

At this point I'm appropriately humming, all the
music is sounding good and I'm just looking to hug
someone.

I don't drink all that often, but I do find that going
through this routine makes the night more enjoyable.

I just might get my no rhythm white ass behind the
microphone and let out some Bust'a Move!

Fo shizzle mo nizzle

Peace out

Rush, Viagra...Fatty Boombalatty

2006-06-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, Rush Limbaugh, he of right
wing talk show fame was caught holding a bottle
of Viagra. And if you can beleive this, the
prescription might not be on the up and up,
what is this world coming too?

His jolly fatass himself just can't keep himself
out of trouble.

Of course Rush is only guilty of pissing off lots
of people over the years, and now I guess it's
pay back time.

Why else would anyone give a crap if he was taking
viagra? The thought of Rush pounding some chick is
not very appealing to say the least. This act of
ill repute falls under the category of "let's not
think about it".

And if anyone knows a thing or two about viagra, it's
us farangs. The blockbuster of a magic blue pill is
infamous for 2 reasons:
1. It enable a man who's married to a disgusting woman
to have sex with her. All he has to do is look at a
playboy, get a stiffy...and it's off to the races.

2. And this is the one that us farangs appreciate,
when you go to Disney you want to buy the ride as
much as you can pass, well...when you're in Thailand,
viagra is the ride as much as you can pass.

I myself prefer cialis, I get a brutal viagra headache,
worse than a hangover.

So...if you become a famous right wing talk show host
who gets off on pissing people off, keep your viagra
presciptions on the up and up.

Muay Thai Smack Down

2006-06-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

In days gone by I had spent time in Thailand
training in Muay Thai.

Of course that was when I had ambition, drive
motivation, desire, discipline...these days all I
want is an ice cold beer, gentle surf, hot Thai
babes walking around and the breeze blowing
through my hair.

I don't think it's a lot to ask!

The thing about Muay Thai is, once you see it,
you'll realize that all other sports, with the
exception of mma, are basically a pussy deal.

My euro farang may disagree, especially
those who are world cup rump swabs. But
the fact is, today's athletes are more
concerned with marketing contracts and
their pretty face. In a sports world filled
with creampuffs, mixed martial arts and
Muay Thai athletes are true warriors.

American football, soccer, hockey, fencing,
whatever...all other sports can be played with
minimal, if any, balls.

Muay Thai is all asses and elbows.

So, if you're so inclined, the best kickboxing in
the world happens almost nightly in Bangkok and
all over Thailand. The two biggest venues in Bangkok
are Lumpini Stadium and Ratchadamnoen Stadium.
Fights happen at these stadiums during the week and
on weekend days.

If you need AC, Ratchadamnoen has it.

Other good places to see Muay Thai are Channel 7
stadium in Bangkok, and Om Noi Stadium on the
outskirts of the city near the undergrad Mahidol
University. Not too many farang will be
hanging around Om Noi, but they have some great
fights there.

Lumini Stadium
http://www.discoverythailand.com/Bangkok_Lumpini_Stadium.asp

Ratchadamnoen
http://www.discoverythailand.com/Bangkok_Ratchadamnoen.asp

Attack of the Bleached Blondes

2006-06-27T05:58:00.000-07:00

or Same Shit, Different Day

A very cool feeling when you're in Thailand is
the fact that there is no left wing and no right
wing in Thailand as compared to the states.

Yes, Thailand does have their political issues,
what country doesn't...but the left and right
wing bias that occurs in the states is dildosic.

Both the left and right wing share one thing in
common, they could really care less about the
people or the country when it comes to the
party line. You see this all the time. Something
is blatantly wrong on either side and it doesn't
matter, their allegiance to the left or the right
surpasses their ability to think logically.

Whether it's Hillary or Coulter, same shit different
day.

Huge mega-industries are built on the right and
the left, and that is what it all comes down to,
money.

No Need for Chronic Masturbation

2006-06-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Many men in the states are in a no-win situation.
They have an awful sex life with their mate, and
if they cheat, they're a dickbag. It essentially
becomes an oath of celibacy.

One of the things that makes Thailand so desirable
for a western man from the states is the oppurtunity
to actually live life. Many men are living for the first
time in years and have an actual feeling of rebirth after
getting out of a destructive and dysfunctional marriage
or relationship, or just having the feeling of being tied
down.

You don't have to be frustrated and download porn and
become a chronis maturbater in Thailand, you can just go
out on the town and meet a woman, and it can be just for
female companionship. What a concept.

Being with a sexy woman is just a part of it. After years
of feeling like a recluse in a culture that seems to be
pulling off a daily bed-shitting, the feeling of excitement
is found in a foreign land.

Due to living in such a boring culture, western people
are very naive and great targets to any type of marketing.
They are dying to be excited, from the kids to the
adults. For the kids, they actually get excited walking
around dressed up like a hip hot artist, it's completely
dildosic.

All the marketers do is promise them a feeling of
excitement, make them emotional...and they have a
customer. Why? Because they are walking zombies,
nothing excites them so they have to watch boring
activities like poker or nascar to get fired up, it's
actually the commercials that get them fired up.

If you don't think this is true, come to the states and
watch in infomercials that have been running for years.
People buy that shitty exercise machine, and then it
becomes a dust collector.

After talking with many farangs, even sitting on the
beach in Pattaya gives them a feeling of excitement.

This post is depressing me...tomorrows post I promise
wine, women and song.

Tell Us About People In America

2006-06-25T05:52:00.000-07:00

Whenever I go out to quench my thirst with a
frosty brew, I usually go to some expat haunts.
And as you can imagine, I'm always game for a
good sporting argument.

Since the majority of expats are Brits, Aussies
or from parts unknown, they are always curious
about people from the states.

In all actuality, they want to know if people from
the states really suck as much as they've been
told.

One from the states need only to walk down
Pattaya beach and see all the t-shirt vendors
selling the shirts with Busch Terrorist on them
to know you're not in Kansas anymore.

As a side note the current adminstration made
a statement to the effect that they don't understand
why people of the world consider them the greatest
threat to world peace. Ahhh the propaganda machine
is beginning to churn...

The truth is, the majority of people from the states
are salt of the earth. Good hard working people who
are just trying to get by, most. Of course you have
a good amount who are twatsy whiners, but you
have that most anywhere.

Many are very naive, but don't forget they are also
targets of a huge propaganda machine, one that has
a massive industry attatched to it. Basically, people
are people.

When farangs usually refer to the states in condemnation,
it's the administration they're talking about. The
current administration is one that's hard to defend,
whether it's the old "pipes from Africa" routine or the
WMD go-around, the reality was that Cheney and
Rumsfeld were going into Iraq, they just needed to
find a piss-poor excuse.

And they did, they found a bunch of them...of course
nearly all were either wrong, hypocritical or just a
flat out lie...but these two got there way, they got to
invade Iraq.

Ok, Shit...enough about politics, I need a beer.

[graphic by artie.com]

Future Ballbuster Extraordinaire

2006-06-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

One of the things about a consulting job I'm
doing is lot's of travel, so I spend a lot of time
in airports. My main goal with working is to
save enough money so I can get the fuck out
of the states.

Recently in the Charlotte airport, I heard a
western woman of about 23 on the cell-phone
with her fiance:
"oh that's so cute, you looked up the flight number
so you'd no where'd I'd be."

She carried on with some more idle chatting, and
then the topic turned to marriage. She wasted no
time and immediately whipped out her industrialized
3-ring binder which had the title across the front -
"Wedding".

I hate to be so critical, but it does grieve me slightly
when some poor unsuspecting slob is about to make
the biggest mistake of his life, then again, everyone's
gotta do their time in the trenches, I could almost hear
the pain in this guy's voice come through the cell phone.

She'll have her day in the sun...and then realize she
needs to keep finding things to make her the center
of attention, all at the expense of this guy.

Kind of brings me back in time and makes me reminisce
about the hard time I did when I was married to a
western woman...live and learn.

[graphic by artie.com]

Deelicious Pork Buns In Thailand

2006-06-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago I drove from Bangkok
to Southern Thailnad on the Krabi side. As
we were in the Ranong area, I saw all these
roadside vendors selling what I was told
were pork buns.

As you drive the main highways in Thailand,
each area seems to have its own specialty
food:

pork buns
bananas
coconut juice

During the trip we decided we'll stop along the
way and sample each of the current areas known
commodities. For no other reason than if I don't
get my 10,000 calories a day I get cranky. I
plead American.

I gotta tell you, those pork buns were fuckin'
orgasmic. Delicious!

Not all were pork, some had a type of bean inside
them, some were pink, some were green, yellow,
the moral here is if you're in the area that sells
the pork buns, it's time to mow!

Medicine, The Way It Should Be

2006-06-22T04:20:00.000-07:00

One time I got a case of food poisoning in
Bangkok. It was bad enough that I needed
to get some medicine.

In the states I would have needed to drag
my sick white ass to the doctor, hospital,
play the prescription game and all other
kinds of foolish nonsense so everyone
involved could get their cut.

And when it comes to medicine, if you
don't have insurance you'll take it right
up the ass.

My wife walked into the pharmacy across
the street, told them my symptoms and
I was given the necessary medication,
simple as that. I was better almost
immediately.

What a concept!

Make Way For the Barrell-Ass Express

2006-06-21T18:50:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the airport bothering nobody
all in a section all by myself talking quietly on
the cell phone when all of a sudden up comes
walking miss beer barrell bum blast and sits
down a few seats away and starts reading
her book.

She starts shooting me several dirty looks,
apparently I was interupting her from reading
her romance novel. I felt like breaking the news
to her, sorry dear, your days of silk and satin
are over.

But I've come to expect this type of attitude from
woman of the west, so I just ignored the wench,
packed up my stuff and found another section
where I was allowed to talk on my cell phone
quietly.

Really Shitty Guy Moment

2006-06-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends had one of those life
altering moments the other day. He's much
older than me, middle fifties, and has been
married to a Western woman for 30 years.

You'd call it a not so good go-round. His wife
was always a childish brat, and that was
her good point, you can imagine what age has
done to her.

Sex life...forgetaboutit.

As he was standing outside a drugstore in
the states, he noticed an older man around
75. This older man had on a really old pair
of sweat pants, black socks and a grey
t-shirt and what appeared to be a cum
stain on shirt.

The older man was routinely being whipped by
this shrew who appeared to be his wife.

In this man, my good friend saw himself.

It was a rude awakening, and one that was
comforted with several shots of Jose Cuervo.
It was one of those feelings that guys go
through that usually get accompanied by
phrases such as:
I've wasted my life
What did I do to myself
And on and on

Naturally I have the antidote. A good healthy
dose of Soi Cowboy. Now...if the fat fuck can
escape from his wifes cloven hooves, he just
might be in business!

Pattaya Copycat Suicides

2006-06-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

On a really sour note, I always hate to see
one of our farang brothers stepping off due to
a fit of love-sickness.

Most recently a farang had turned the gun on
himself in a shooting gallery apparently due to
the love of his life not caring for him.

So today, homework is assigned. The following
5 phrases must be memorized and repeated
several times daily:
1. Thai bargirls don't give a fuck about me, it's
only my money
2. I can have a good time, but don't go apeshit
and fall in love
3. There are literally a gazillion of them out
there
4. I'm in paradise, there is plenty of female
companionship...if I want to marry a bargirl,
it needs to be a slow process so I know exactly
what I'm getting into
5. Don't sweat the small stuff

Sit back, have some Thai food and nurse a
Singha...because it sure beats sitting in a cubicle
whereever you come from.

Not Always Paradise...

2006-06-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

One only need to look at the online Pattaya
newspapers to know that Pattaya is not all
shits and giggles, far from it.

The online rags www.pattayatoday.net and
www.pattayamail.com run stories that can
only be rivaled by those in the states.

Not only that, but there always seems to
be a story of some farang getting shot,
stabbed or involved in some other violent
situation.

One story in particular got my attention,
apparently a group of "Uzbeki tarts" had
set up shop in Pattaya.

They had rented a room and had turned
it into a house of ill repute. The story
went on to point out that they were
servicing the European males in the area.

Now...I would have thought that there
wouldn't have been much of a market there
for them. To be honest, if I see any women
resembling a woman from the west, I
usually head south.

From talking with my expat friends, they
do the same, so I'm a little puzzled.

Nonetheless, two good online papers when
you're in Pattaya, or just wish you were
there.

Thai Food, My Favorite

2006-06-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about Thailand is
the food...it's delicious. Every dish is a
concoction of herbs, seasonings...I've never
had a boring Thai dish.

I do yearn for a good steak every now and
then, I've yet to find a top-quality steak in
Bankok or Pattaya but my search continues.
I've been told I should be able to find one.

I have several favorite foods, but my favorite
would have to be Green Curry Chicken.

My balcony overlooking Pattaya Bay
Green Curried Chicken
Nice tall ice cold glass of Singha

It just doesn't get much better than that!

My Thai Wife's Birthday

2006-06-16T13:43:00.000-07:00

...or Why I Love Thai Women Part 2

When I first met my wife in the states we had
been dating for about six months when I
completely missed her birthday.

No gift. No cake...not even a mention. What
a fuckhead. We celebrated it a few days
later.

The next year we were living together and
I pulled the same shit. A magnanimous dickhead
if I do say so myself.

The only thing I can say in my defense, and a
piss poor excuse it is at that, is that I was working
hi-tech as a manager and they put you in this
frenzy where you're basically sweating it out for
them 24/7, cell phone, mobile email, pager...you're
a real slave.

Her friend was staying with us at the time and
she gave me the hint that I had blow it again. I
apologized to my wife saying how sorry I was
that I had done this the second year in a row.

And here is what she said, and why I love my
Thai wife above all and the demeanor of Thai
women, ready, here goes...

"It's OK. My parents raised me to know that
my birthday is just another day."

I told my best friend at the time, and he said
to me - "feel free to kiss my ass."

You can't appreciate that statement until you've
been with a western women who thinks time
has to stop when it's her birthday. And if you
have kids, well Christ, time had better stop
when it's birthday time because the world
does in fact revolve around her anus.

Since then I've made sure I never forget my
wife's birthday...even I'm not that fucked up.

[graphic by artie.com]

Why We Travel Around the World for Thai Women

2006-06-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

Why do we love Thai women? Even if she's a bar girl
on the seedy side who'd just as soon steal your cell
phone as she'd look at you, she still has some qualities
that her western sisters lack.

Although she can very well manipulate a man to get
what she wants, she does it in a way that makes a
man feel good about himself. Compare this with
outwardly scheming manipulation by someone
wearing a pissy face and you can easily see the
difference.

A Thai woman, and Thai people in general, will
communicate when necessary and not throw a
whole bunch of verbal diarrhea at you. Althlough
a Thai woman has a mind of her own she's not on a
mission to inundate you with her opinionated minutia.

It's a common western motus operandi to analyze
everything, past, present and future. For those of us
who'd like to enjoy life, this analyzing can get in the
way of living. Thai's are more in tune with the present
due to their Buddhist upbringing as opposed to everything
but the present.

Oh yeah, one more thing...they're hot. Not that being hot
has any influence in choosing a mate, just think of all the
"beautiful" people you wouldn't meet if your choice of woman
hinged on looks. I actually heard that last line while my
ex-wife was watching Oprah one day. I knew what it was
like to hit rock bottom.

Kevin Costner Accused of Waxing the Carrot

2006-06-14T13:34:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard yet, Kevin Costner, he of Dances
with Wolves fame has been accused of pleasuring himself
in front of a woman who was tasked with giving
him a massage. Apparently she didn't do a very good
job.

Of course this is big news in the western world and
the tabloids love it. I'm sure the cable news stations
will be loving it too.

The fact that some guy got himself a stiffy while getting
a body rub is just incredulous to the puritan mind, but
having the audacity to go whole-hog, no pun intended,
and shallack the dolphin is just too brazen for the modern
mind to comprehend.

I can hear Sean Hannity already:
Mr. Costner did you choke your chicken in the presence
of the masseuse, yes or no?

Costner tries to talk but is cut off by Hannity:
Yes or No Sir?

This of course could be a woman out for a payday, or a
lie, or he could have indeed got worked up and tried to
palm the bishop mid-massage. He wouldn't be the first
guy to pop a boner during a massage and he won't be
the last.

Of course any right minded person may be thinking,
if it did happen they way they say it did, couldn't he
have just paid her to do it? Yes, I know, that would
have been breaking the law, but we're speaking
hypothetically here.

You just need to be on top of your game at all times.
Will this be a massage with a happy ending? Is it
proper here for me to palm the bishop? Is it even
proper protocal for me to flaunt my love stick?

These are all genuine questions that need to be
answered before you step foot in your next massage
parlor.

Such are the perils of being famous.

I can almost hear the collective sigh of releif from those
farangs and expats reading this blog.

Thai TV And The Alternative

2006-06-13T07:16:00.000-07:00

When I'm in the room with at TV on in Thailand,
it's usually to watch Muay Thai, the Asian Games
or some other sporting event.

I will also watch the news at times. Although I can't
understand, you can get a very good idea just from the
images that are being shown.

Border Issues
Prime Minister Issues
Sports

My knowledge of the Thai language is remedial and
that is something that I'll try to rectify soon. Any
attempts by my wife have been an exercise in futility
on her part as I'm admittedly a nitwit when it comes
to anything that closely resembles schooling.

But...todays post is about Thai TV and like it's Western
counterpart, there ain't nothing happening.

Most from the states will argue with me, but in the
states the news is mostly marketing as continuous
"news alerts" and "critical updates" are mostly there
to hold your attention and keep their advertisers
swimming in money. The news stations, particularly
the cable stations are basically pr firms for the big
corportations.

A common newscast in the states shows pigeons
getting hit by thrown baseballs, Ann Coulter's whiny
puss, beating to death the whole Duke "scandal" and
of course war sells in the states like hotcakes.

I just don't watch too much TV anymore, I'd rather hit
the local establishments for good drink, food and
comraderie.

You'll find it's much better to live life than it is to sit on
your big fat ass and get fed a bunch of sensationalized
bullshit.

Divorced? Move to Thailand

2006-06-12T05:06:00.000-07:00

It's terribly unsurprising how many men from the states
are miserable, specifically those who've been married
for any length of time, or even those who've been married
for a short time.

I've gone through it. Family members have gone through
it. Friends of mine have gone through it. The next time
you're out dining in the states or your country, take a look
at the married couples around you...you can count on one hand
the number of them that are happy.

Happy marriages are the exception rather than the rule.

Is this by accident?

Priorities seems to have changed considerably over the
last several decades. The emphasis has gone from
more of a hunter culture where the man was the
breadwinner/provider to the onslaught of the feminist
movement where a culture was created that more or
less screwed up the national balance of relationships.

Now dual incomes are needed and the norm as the
children are oftne raised by some half-assed day
care center.

Yes there are those that will say I'm full of shit, but
divorce statistics certainly back up huge issues.

So why do so many men find happiness with Thai
women? Yes, there are those who find misery too,
but the overall relationship seems to bring a
western man much happier.

One theory is that both Thai women and Western
men are considerably underappreciated in their
respective societies...just some thoughts to
ponder.

Bangkok Weekend Market Thai Girl Watch

2006-06-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

One of the big weekend shopping attractions in
Bangkok is the Weekend Market, Chatuchak
Weekend Market

The crowd is relentless, and and the market is
huge. Here's what you'll find as far as product:
sneakers
hats
bags
porcelain items
teak items
rugs
musical intruments
food
Now...magnify that by ten thousand! All the normal
Thai shopping fare.

Check out a picture of the market/crowd here...

On a scale from 1 to 10, this gets about a 6 on the
Thai girl babe watch as most women are showing
up to do some serious shopping therefore they haven't
donned any tight jeans, heels, sundresses...most are
wearing their shopping battle fatigues, sweats or
loose fitting clothes.

But...there is power in numbers, where there's smoke
there's fire!

If you do go bring your toiletpaper...god forbid you need to
cut a turd. As with most peasant gathering areas the
shitbox stalls usually don't have any toiletpaper, I
always carry my own roll.

To get to the weekend market take the BTS or Sky
Train to the Mo Chit stop. When you get off, just
follow the crowd.

My Bangkok Wedding

2006-06-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

When I got married in the States back in the mid
nineties I got royally reamed up the ass in the
finance department, as well as the emotion
department. Weddings are a huge business
in the states and there are more fuckers with a
hand out than you can shake a stick at:
DJ
Photographer
Church
Reception Hall
Jeweler
Limo Service
The list never ends...

Neither my ex-wifes parents nor mine had any money
so we paid for it ourselves. As you can imagine, it was
big bucks. All my savings pissed right down the toilet
in one day...

When I got married the second time to my Thai bride
we got an everything included deal in Bangkok, and
I do mean everything for about 1/20th of the price it
cost me in the states and the quality and service was
far better.

In the states there was all kinds of pressure and bullshit
you have to deal with, from the proverbial pre-wedding
bride melt down, what American wedding is complete without a
random act of woman-ness, to all the other personalities
who feel the need to walk around with a stick up there
ass.

Do most guys see this for what it is, a preview of coming attractions?

An Unwelcome Boarder in Bangkok

2006-06-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the pub one day and an old timer on
a quest for love was telling me how he was enjoying
his time in Bangkok but would have to leave soon
because he was pissing through money left and right.

I found this peculiar because he wasn't the type to be
whoring around to the max, just your occasional tryst
with a Thai sweetie.

This old timer wasn't real savvy, some detective work
was in order.

"You've been here for 3 months, were you always pissing
through money"?

"No, that's the thing, seems it started lately".

"Are you sure your bargirl friend isn't ripping you off"?

"No, she's been with me the whole time. Speaking of her,
her friend is staying with us for a few days, he's a real pain
in the ass. Fuckin' ladyboy drinking all my beer. He
knocked off about half a case of some Singha I had on ice
the skinny little prick, doesn't replace shit".

"Ummm...I think we might have found the source of your
money issues".

As luck would have it, the old timer went back to his rented
condo and started rifling through the ladyboy's stuff, sure enough
he was hording a stash from money to jewelry, including that
of his Thai friend.

So...he took all the stuff back and tossed his scrawny ass.

Gotta watch your ass all the time!

One Night In Bangkok

2006-06-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

A friend came to visit me in Bangkok from the states,
because Thailand is so far from the USA, that doesn't
happen very often.

My friend, let's call him Tom, he's currently in the process
of getting divorced from the shrew you'd call his wife, so I
need to keep his indentity secret as he's in the happiness
protection program. Once divorced he can be slowly
weened away from misery and back into the feelings of
being young and alive again.

I took him on the BTS and we stopped off at Siam and hit
the malls. To say he was amazed by the gorgeous women
would be an understatment...and then it happened,
I literally saw his jaw drop from his mouth as he saw this
Thai woman coming down the elevator in Siam Paragon.

I said, "let's go Tom".

"Where we going?"

"To find out if she's taken, just follow me."

"Sawadee Khrup, do you speak english?"

"Sawadee Kha...yes I do."

"My Friend is in town visiting, possibly moving to Bangkok
and he noticed you right away, we were just wondering if you
were involved with someone."

Now, at this point, if I were in the states one of three things
would have happened:
1. The proverbial kick to the nuts, she would have looked at me
like I was a complete asshole
2. Rolled her eyes and walked away, and she'd actually feel good
that someone asked her
3. Given me a fake number or some other bullshit

But I wasn't in the states so I didn't have to worry about any
of that stuff, I was in Thailand...ok, let's continue.

"Yes I have boyfriend, I'm sorry. But my sister she single."

"Is she, does she look like you?"

"No, she prettier."

"Do you mind if my friend gives her a call? You can see
he's a nice guy."

"No need to call, she's with me now. She's in store
shopping, she'll be out in while. Why don't you meet up with us
in one hour."

"Sure, why don't we meet at Au Bon Pain at the end of the mall?"

I know what you're thinking, they didn't show up. Fuckin' wrong
Jackson, they did and her sister was a total babe. We had coffee
with them and made plans to meet up for dinner. I told sister number
1 I was happily married but we could go as friends, she had a boyfriend
and was ok with that too. My wife is cool about stuff like this, helping
out a miserable friend. She can see the importance in that.

I think sister number 1 was just as eager to have her sister meet
someone who had a future as I was in helping tom with some
female companionship.

I LOVE this country!!!

We met up with them, had dinner at Duilio pizza, had drinks, lot's of
drinks, at least me and Tom did, then we went back to Tom's hotel
room for more drinks. I was just about to leave and put Sister 1 in a cab
and send her home when Tom proceeded to throw up all over himself.
Huge disgusting dinner chunks that bogged us all out.

I wound up putting both sisters in a cab while Tom proceeded to blow
chow in the bathroom...time to call an end to the night.

But...you get the point.

Way to go Tom...you suckbag!

Bangkok Bargirl Rules of Love

2006-06-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

He muttered to me in a drunken stupor from the
Tiger Bar at Soi Cowboy:
"I'm not exactly sure what she sees in me, I'm
twice her age...she's the most beautiful woman
I've ever been with."

My Aussie friend was retired, divoreced thrice and
hadn't been "really laid" in years. Sex with his wife
he compared to dead-fish-floppery.

What she sees in you my friend is survival, food,
clothes, shelter, money for her and her family. If
you hold up your end of the bargain, she'll hold
up hers and you can be with the woman of your
dreams.

But become skewed and try to make this a
western relationship where the fairytale
get-together is based on mutual love and honesty
and you're gonna lose out big time. That's not how
the game is played with a Bangkok bargirl, and when
you did play that game in the western world, you didn't
do very well, you got divorced 3 times.

And is she the one? Will she try and rip you off blind?
How many other Aussie's does she have on the end
of her rope? She may have a boyfriend and could even
be married, have several kids...

There's a lot at stake here and you don't need to go
apeshit just because you got your rocks off good and hard for the
first time in years. Take it slow...nothing more pathetic
than a 60 year old man "in love" and the whole situation is
going tits-up right before his very eyes.

Enjoy the scenery, drink, food, things to do and the lack
of harried pace bullshit that you've had to put up with for
years, that's the real key to winning!

Farang Love Sick for Bangkok

2006-06-06T04:19:00.000-07:00

When I'm in the states, what do I miss about Bangkok most? It's not the gorgeous women, the great food, the wonderful demeanor of the nationals.

What is it that annoys me most and makes me want to get back to the land of smiles?

Ok, here goes...in the states people are herded like sheep and mass marketed to. What's worse, they don't even realize it...you see this
constantly in someone's quest for individualism.

The car they drive
The tatoo they have or want to get
The clothes they wear
Even the music they listen too

For example, I have a friend who's on a dire quest
to show his individuality as someone who's a rebel.
This is mostly to make up for a pathetically boring
life. Without knowing it, he set himself up to be
mass marketed too.

Now his individual statement occurs on the weekend
when he dons his wannabe biker uniform and harley
and puts a scowl on his face. He paid big bucks for
that uniform and bike...and to corporate America, that's
what it's really all about.

Now he's an individual, him and all the other millions
of guys, and women, who jump on their hog for the
weekend. Harley stock went up.

When he's at a red light he gets to obnoxiously rev his engine
and say to the world "look at me, I'm a rebel and a macho
guy".

From observation, I suspect he very rarely has sex
with his wife of 10 years, just a hunch. Whenever
we go anywhere he's hornier than a bucket full of
bullhead. He complains of all the things he has to
do, the majority of which are commandeered by his
wife.

The reality of the situation is that he has a dull life,
and this begins when you let others tell you what is
"cool" and what you should do, wear and how you
should act. You let them tell you tatoos are cool
and you believe them.

When I'm in Bangkok, this typo of behavior is seen
as quite foolish. You don't see big bikes that make a
lot of noise for a couple of reasons:
1. They're considered too expensive and a waste of
money
2. Scooters are used for this mode of transportation,
they're cheap and use very little gas

This is a choice that's based on practicality and not
the "hot shit factor".

This is what I miss most about Thailand!

The Dogs of Thailand

2006-06-05T16:28:00.000-07:00

And I don't mean the human kind that hang around Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza...

Bangkok has an inordinate number of dogs,
many who travel in packs, those that show
the battle scars of having lived a life meandering
through the Bangkok traffic and thousands
who flop nearly anywhere and catch some
zzz's in the Bankok heat.

One day I was travelling in a car with my father
in-law when we came upon the middle of the
street and these two dogs, twins, were sacked
out in the middle of the road and had no intentions
of moving. This is ultra-normal in Bangkok, hell it's
normal for a Thai national to be sacked out in the
middle of the street, those fuckers can sleep through
anything.

One day when I was travelling on bicycle in a rural
area of Pattaya I was confronted by three skeavey
looking dogs walking toward me. They weren't walking
in a line but were walking side by side.

I really didn't have time to turn around as they had
picked up the pace towards me and one of them was
showing his teeth. The one to my left had a very bad
right leg, it was withered and probably the result of
getting hit by a car in the streets of Pattaya.

I'm a dog lover, but it was clear, it was a clear cut case
of them or me. My game plan was to take a sharp left
and then ride full blast at the sick weak one while I
was screaming my head off...

And then, luck turned my way...a huge truck was
driving down the road. Not your ordinary truck, but
one that was cut in half so it was a ready made convertable,
and the guy driving was sitting in a metal cafetaria chair
that wasn't even bolted to the truck floor. The truck let out
this huge backfire, the dogs didn't know what happened...I
took the oppurtunity to put my tail between my legs and
ride that rented bike as fast as my fat ass could
pedal.

Reasons You May Be Ready For A Move To Thailand

2006-06-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

From time to time I've been asked by people what would
make a man move to Thailand. Thailand is a third world
country, and most cannot understand why someone would
want to leave "the greatest country in the world".

It's something you know when the time is right. There's no
process that you run through that tells you it's time to try
something different. Also, most expats I've met have a
certain flair of being an adventurer, that's certainly a big
part of it. When I talk to farangs, move have told me they
feel like a misfit when they're in their home country.

They love their country, but feel misplaced...

When I'm in the states, there's not a lot for me to do. Most
things that are popular, I don't like. I can hardly watch TV,
I guess you could say I've become wrapped too tight. Here
are some things that annoy the piss out of me and give me
that "it's time to move on" feeling.

1. You're sickened by a culture where poker and nascar can
become popular

2. Tax time, how fucked up can one process be?

3. Hillary actually has a good chance

4. Most women society deems appropriate for you to date are
either fat, miserable, total skanks or all of the above. You're not
quite ready for your appreciation of gorgeous woman to be
over.

5. You're tired of the major news outlets merely being PR firms
for the big corporations and the inability of those around you to
figure it out

6. You don't like reality shows. Come to think of it, you're unable
to watch TV due to the piss-poor programming

7. Puritanical hypocritical views, here' s a hypothetical situation...a
right wing politician preaches daily about the evils of porn, goes home
and night and surfs porn sites. This is the rule rather than the exception.

8. You're tired of getting the up-sell, whether it's a burger, going to the
post office, buying a DVD, getting married, getting divorced, kids in
college...you feel like the whole thing is set up to bilk you out of money.
You want off of the proverbial tread mill...

9. A terribly litigious culture where the most ridiculous of law suits
can win, even when both sides know it's a big crock of shit

10. Snoop-dog is doing Chrysler commercials. Is Chrysler kidding?

The final straw...

Why I Love Thai Women Top 10

2006-06-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

In no particular order...

10. I like white meat, from a foul perspective, and she
goes straight for all the dark meat and other parts
of the bird.

Number 9: They love to laugh and are good natured.
Given the choice between being happy or being miserable,
a Thai woman will choose happiness hands down. The
same cannot be said for a western woman. Yes, they
say they'd like to be happy, but their actions and
demeanor clearly show they choose to be miserable
and prefer to emasculate the man they're with. With
most western couples, the woman develops a disdain
for the man's happiness.

Number 8: Thai women do not need to be entertained.
They are just as happy going out, watching Chinese
movies, watching TV (as long as you have closed captioned),
going to the beach..this leaves a man to be free to be
himself.

Number 7: The probable likelihood that they won't develop a
McDonald's Ass

Number 6: Exotic features...silky black hair, gorgeous skin,
incredible body

Number 5: The complete opposite of a western woman when it
comes to the capacity to endure. While their spoiled western
sisters throw a hissy fit if they don't get their morning latte,
a brand new car in the driveway or that mansion...the women
of Thailand have most likely grown up sharing a room with
several sisters. When they have a good thing, they appreciate
it.

Number 4: They want You to be happy, it's not all about them

Number 3: Not huge fans of the feminist movement, they've
seen what it's done to western women and their lifestyles. Now
both the man and women in a western marriage get to work all
day while someone else raises the kids...brilliant.

Number 2: They tell you exactly what's on their mind, they
don't try to manipulate you into doing what will please them.
Ask any man who's been married for a while what it's like trying
to decide what restaurant to go to with this western wife.

And the Number 1 Reason I LOVE Those Thai Women: Killer in
the kitchen and in the bedroom, these women know what makes
a man happy!

Farang Ding Dong

2006-06-02T05:56:00.000-07:00

Any search for Farang Ding Dong on the internet
will bring up some links for those lovely ladies with
the gigantic gorgonzolas.

Are they real? Are they fake? Who cares...

Al Bundy would go out of his everloving mind!!!

I will say this, I have witnessed those bar girls that
have had very large boob jobs which were most likely
financed by their farang boyfriends, although not as
big as the lucious lovelies found on:
www.farangdingdong.com

Not sure I'd fall for the special herb story though, it never
changes...the bullshit piles up faster than a cat can
lick its ass.

And what guy doesn't like boobs I ask?

Bangkok MBK Mall Butt Pirate

2006-06-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

When shopping at the MBK mall, there's only 3 things
a farang expat from American will want to do...
1. Scope Thai Babes
2. Take a piss
3. Shop

...in that order.

So when I needed to take a squirt at the MBK mall, it was
business as usual...or so I thought.

I walked into the public restroom and there were three
walls filled with urinals and no one was taking a piss. I had
virgin territory to work with. I chose the right hand wall, I
thought it was a good choice.

Just as I was about to piss, in comes the cleaning twerp. I
thought he was about to clean, but apparently he had to piss
too...so he comes and stands right next to me thereby breaking
one of the 10 cardinal rules of taking a piss:
"Thou shalt not piss next to another man if there are other urinals
available".

I caught the little bastard shooting a glance down at my johnson bar,
I locked up tighter than a virgin's honey pie and got immediate stage
fright.

I stuffed myself back in my trousers and went off to find another
public restroom...no butt pirates please!

[Pirate graphic from www.artie.com]

Your Personal Bangkok Goals...

2006-05-31T10:57:00.000-07:00

I was partying in the Dubliner one afternoon and met
another guy from the states. He had on one of those
pretend that you care corporate hi-tech company
t-shirts that read:

Our Goal Is Complete Customer Satisfaction

What a bunch of bullshit. Customer service is an
oxymoron. I've yet to meet a company that really
cares about the customer. It's completely secondary
to the botton line. There are those that argue that
bottom line and customer satisfaction complement
each other, but that's not even close. Plenty of
company's are making money who could care less
about the customer.

As we talked, and tossed back several Guiness I asked
him what his personal goals were, never mind the company
he worked for.

He said he had just gotten divorced and hadn't been
laid in ten years. Well...it was fairly clear what his goals
were and it was time for a new t-shirt...I'm sure his bullshitting
American company will foot the bill...

Farang Pissing and Moaning

2006-05-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

When you stay in Thailand long enough and get to
know the members of the expat community, pissing
and moaning can become a sport the farangs fall into.

Bear in mind these farangs are probably those that
complained like women back in their own country too.

One of the favorite things to complain about are the
prices the farangs get charged as opposed to the locals.

This is of course ridiculous when you realize how good
they have it. But...they get on this fairness kick.

I suppose they'd rather be back in their own country
where things are "fair"and the climate sucks, they
never get laid, their money goes nowhere and they're
looked upon as old fat fuckers...it's a very small price to
pay for happiness.

No matter where you go, you can't better those farangs
that are intent on snatching defeat from the jaws of
victory.

Detriot Airport Blubbo ' Rama

2006-05-29T05:57:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, the good old USA...the first site I saw when
I got off the plane coming in from Tokyo at the
Detroit airport was a 25'ish western female walking in
front of me.

She had a midriff shirt on and exposing the "in style"
fashion tatoo of the day that all these younger women
seem to need to have. It was in the middle of her back just
above a big fat ass. As she was walking, a globule
of fat fell over her belt on the right hand side.

She must have gone to the restroom just before I had
seen her because not long after the right love handle
gave way, the left one fell down and then of course it
was off to the races. Luckily the Detroit airport has
a bathroom every 100 yards or so.

The tatoo was now flanked by two bags of blubba. This
is becoming more and more common with younger
western women, there seems to be no shame in showing
off your fat. Hell, it's your body and you should be proud
of it!

That's another thing I like about Thailand. It's not common
"yet" to see the tatoos on the younger women. Yes, you do
get your unsavory bar girl that sports one from time to time,
but as a general rule they are at a minimum. And I hope it
stays that way. I'm not a huge fan of tatoos on women, it
would be a deal breaker for me.

I can't wait to see the email from the spoiled western women
on this one, so for them here are the rules:
1. If you're going to ride the rides at pattayajoe land, wear a
seat belt, cause it's a rough ride
2. No tatoos

In Bangkok the women are generally shy so they are not
prone to showing off their body, especially if they are fat.
Now...heading down to Soi Cowboy is a much different
story. The bar girls are scantily clad, but still no showing
off of fat.

Incredible Thai Food...My Ass Is On Fire!

2006-05-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

Besides an excellent outlook on life, a happy attitude,
amazing sights, temples and gorgeous women, one
of the the most incredible things about Thailand is
the food.

First time travellers should be somewhat leary of
the food though as "Bangkok Belly" is lurking in
the shadows waiting to rare its ulgly head.

I'm not sure why, but newcomers are susceptible
to Bangkok Belly possibly because the bacteria
from one country to the next is so different in the
water and food. When you get BB, you're settled
with the constant shits and a pain in your
stomach.

Many of the dishes in Thailand are very hot, as
the Thai's cook with ground up chili peppers,
along with other very hot stuff, so until you get
use to it, you will get this burning sensation
when you relieve yourself if you are eating the
hotter dishes.

Those newcomers will fare much better if they
don't eat such hot food and break in rather
slowly.

On my first trip to Thailand I was determined
to eat what the locals ate. For a couple of days
I did very good, even to the point of getting too
cocky.

And then, it happened. I was on the Bangkok Sky Train
and had this incredible urge to take a dump as I started
to get an incessant pain in my stomach. I jumped
off at the Siam stop and frantically looked for a
bathroom before I shit my pants, the look on my
face must have been one of excruciating pain.

I finally found a bathroom, and to my dismay
a sign hung on the shitbox door "Out of Order".
This did not work with my body's timing at all
as I was ready to hit the toilet in perfect stride
and was even unbuckling my belt as I sprinted
to the bathroom.

No turning back, working or not working, this
toilet was about to feel my wrath.

Anyway...I won't go into the gory details, I hope
you get the point.

Bankgkok, Thai Ladyboy, Is She or Isn't He

2006-05-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

As I was awaiting a table in the front lobby of the Greatwall
restaurant in the Asia Hotel in Bangkok, I noticed a very tall
striking Asian woman.

She was hot...Smoking Hot!

A gorgeous figure, and what I noticed about her most was
her beautiful legs as she flaunted them in her heeled sandals.

For a Thai woman, she was tall, very tall. Possible 5'7" or
greater.

After I put my feedbag on I waddled back to my hotel room
feeling about as portly as could be. While in the elevator I noticed
an advertisement for the Calypso Cabaret, an all Ladyboy show!

I was duped. Here I was brimming with testosterone, and there
you have it, I was setting my sights on another man, holy shit
batman!

I called my wife back in the states and told her aobut it. She
told me it was a famous show in Bangkok, they had the most
gorgeous Ladyboys. But honey, I feel so...ummm, gay.

She replied with one of her favorites sayings...only an American
could feel like that. It's not a big deal in Thailand. No big deal is
cool, I'm just going to be a little more cautious next time I see
a taller Thai babe. Really hard to pick out.

If you're ever in the area, it really is a great show, check it
out:
http://www.calypsocabaret.com/

Now...on the not so hard to pick out side. If you ever go to Nana
Plaza to a bar called the Cat House, you'll see a Ladyboy there
who ain't fooling nobody. 5'oclock shadow and the whole nine
yards.

And here's the weird thing, the Japanese men are all over him.
I don't get that at all. They must have a fetish about the Ladyboys
that don't really look like Ladyboys.

Oh well, ok...enough about Ladyboys.

Bangkok Exclusive On Expat Internet Dating...

2006-05-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

Rogue Terrorist Spunk Shot Nearly
Incapacitates Camming Session
By Disgruntled American Expat

Luckily our American expat in question was armed with
the latest in windshield wiper and wrap-around blowjob
attachment from Robinsons department store...no
casualties were suffered.

Luckily, one needn't take his life in his own hands when
it comes to meeting gorgeous single Thai women. The
opportunity just merely walking around to meet the
women of your dreams is so incredible it's staggering.

There is really no need to waste endless, countless
hours playing on the internet when there are so many
more productive venues for meeting women in Bangkok:
1. Malls
2. The Bars
3. Restaurants
4. Shops
5. Walking on the street
6. The BTS system

And it's all Free! Just be sincere and normal, and you'd
be surprised...

But, I do realize there are those men who reminisce for
the days in the states when a woman wouldn't even crap
in their drink nevermind glance in their direction, so it's
for those men that this quick and dirty guide to internet
dating is being penned.

So if you must, here goes...

First, download and install some chat software...Yahoo
Instant Messenger, MSN, Aol, Skype...if you're not sure
just google "instant messenger".

You'll need to pick out a ID. Don't pick out something
ridiculous such as Tom_Cock or LongDongSilver, you'll
just look like an a-hole. Never be afraid to add "nice guy"
to your ID, it's a definate winner.

This isn't rocket science.

Next, start trolling. Search the member profiles from the
member directory that you're using and start sending out
messages:
How are you? Nice American guy in Bankok here...

And that's all there is to it. Do you need to post a pic? You
can if you want to. Should you get a cam? If you want to
you can, but you don't have to go apeshit. I'd advise you
to just begin approaching women you'd like to talk to, it's
a hell of a lot easier and works much better.

Moving To Thailand? Bangkok, Pattaya...

2006-05-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

Before you get carried away, you have to have one
of three things:
1. Enough money saved to sustain yourself
2. A job
3. Recurring monthly revenue from a business

Enough money? We're not talking about 10 grand. You'll
piss through that in no time. If you're single and, and depending
how young you are, you need at least 100 large before
you even think of making the move.

If you don't do this the right way, you'll run out of money
and then have no recourse but to move back wherever
you came from and get a job.

Your expenses in Thailand will be food, lodging, entertainment,
and visa runs. These expenses can add up very, very fast, even
though Thailand is a relatively cheap place to live.

Also, you don't want to get caught in the position where you've
become an illegal in Thailand, no current visa. This is what will
happen if you don't have enough money and you're unable to
do a visa run. Something tells me a Thai jail will be a major
suckfest...no pun intended.

So my friend, plan your work and work your plan to an early
retirement...and save, save, save.

Getting a job in Thailand is not a very good bet unless your
company transfers you there. Then it can be a bonus as you
can make a foreign salary in the land of the smiles.

Another good gig is if you have a business, such as a web
based business and you can live anywhere, course this is
easier said than done.

Expenses...
Rent
Food
Entertainment - go go bars, clubs, nightlife, dating
Visa runs to other S. Asian coutries...
Emergency trips back to your country

Food and rent is fairly inexpensive, especially compared to
the states, but the entertainment and visa runs is where
you can get into spending some dough, especially if you go
apeshit with the bar girls...you'll start pissing through money
left and right and the whole situation will get out of hand and
go tits'up.

Sometime it pays to be a Cheap Charlie!

Thai Bar Girls Want My Money?

2006-05-24T14:40:00.000-07:00

No matter how far you try to run, you can't hide, as
Devin reminds us with his/her pathetically piss-poor
post:
"Come on, don't you realise these bar girls are only
after your money? How stupid can you be..."

Before I'll comment on the post, which I'll get to, I'd first
like to analyze who and what Devin is. I'm very sure Devin
is a woman, but I'm not sure if she's from the states or
from the UK. She seems to pride herself in being a master
of the obvious, which is a typical USA woman's motus
operandi. However, she spells realize like a Brit and the
name Devin is not too common among women in the States,
and, Thailand is much more common among those in
Europe than in the states due to distance.

Chances are whether American or a Brit, her husband has cashed
his chips in for Thailand a long time ago, and with comments
like the one above, who could blame him.

Ok, now on to Devin's post.

Bar girls are only after money...No Shit!

Let's see, Trump dates supermodels because he's such a stud,
right?

Howard Stern's girlfriend who graces the cover of Maxim is with
him because he's such a good conversationalist, don't you think?

It couldn't possibly have anything to do with money now, could
it? Money is in fact one of the keys to a healthy, safe and prosperous
future...so it's no doubt in any culture that money can become a
point of concern, specifically for the weaker race or by those who
have none.

Does this mean a get together based on lust on one end and financial
security on the other can't work? Of course not, and if it can't, cultures
with divorce rates hovering around or over 50% are hardly in a position
to criticize.

Most men that go to Thailand have been driven away by underappreciative
wives, culture and situations that become no longer tolerable or acceptable,
and yes Devin, men like gorgeous women. Men liking gorgeous women is actually
quite natural, and no matter how old a man gets, a gorgeous woman does
not cease to become attractive.

Of course Devin's post reeks of jealousy. That poisonous jealousy that makes
you tense and irritable as you witness someone elses happiness. Someone
else who you may no longer be able to manipulate, control and keep from
enjoying life and all the good things it has to offer.

I'd imagine you're the type of woman who'd like to put her husbands dick
in a mason jar if you caught him looking at another woman, so you might as
well get mad at a bird for flying.

Bangkok, Siam Paragon and Malls Thai Babe Watch

2006-05-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

Whenever I have to leave Bangkok and head back to the
states, the first thing I do outside having a good cry is hit
the malls to load up on things for my wife.

Not that I need to buy any paricular gifts, my wife is Thai
so I have a whole laundry list of items she emails to me
that I'm tasked with bringing back to the states.

Items such as:
1) Various Thai Books, especially the new Thai Harry Potter
2) Thai chocolate
3) Comic books
4) etc...

While shopping it's always nice to stare at the eye candy that
is congregating at the malls. Thai women of nearly every walk of life,
college students slacking off, bar girls on the day hunt, the women
who work at the mall, and yes, there are even some Thai women
actually doing some shopping, if you can believe that.

Now...first off, Bangkok is crawling with gorgeous single women.
Some are more or less single than others, espeically the bar girls.
Yes the go go bars are a fascinating landmark, I'm partial to Soi
Cowboy, but the point of todays post is the fact that you can
meet gorgeous Thai women nearly anywhere in Bangkok.

In Thailand, as with most 3rd world countries, picking a mate has
more to do with survival and the future than it does with some
ridiculous fairy-tale romance that's doomed from the very
beginning. This is one or the reasons age is not a huge issue.

When options are more limited for women, the future, not the
career is the much bigger issue. What a concept!

Back to the malls. One day while I was at the MK mall in Bangkok,
a plethora of hot Thai college students approached me. They were
in the English Club and were looking for people to practice speaking
with. This kind of things happens often while in Bangkok.

It's kind of refreshing...especially for those of us who have approached
women in the states, not even hot women I might add, and got that
I wouldn't even shit in your drink look.

Pattaya Reader Suffering from Rectal Cranium Insertion

2006-05-22T05:31:00.000-07:00

I just started this blog, and to think that after only
one post I've aready drawn hate-mail, ahhhh the
wonders of cyperspace.

Marge notes about my first post, Marge is not her
real name, names are changed to protect those suffering
from rectal cranium insertion:
"I just ran across this blog and just think it's awful
how you lump all Western women into one category.
Do you always stereotype in such a way?"

Well Marge, now that you've asked, well, ummmm...yes,
as a matter of fact I do. And...if the stereotype fits, wear
it.

This reminds me of when I was working in corporate
high-tech America. You know, that workspace where the
highlight of most techie's day is finding a typo, mistake or mispelled
word in someones email? They can then trumpet to the
world "look how smart I am". Too bad the practice of
pasting stars on foreheads doesn't exist after first grade,
we have plenty of those who still need the recognition.

I had the suckiest job known to man, I was a technical support
manager and was tasked with managing (babysitting) a group of
pathetic misfits.

Of course when running a support department you need
to staff the phone, so I reminded my group at a meeting
one day that if they weren't on the phone I needed to know
where they were.

One of the group, one of the more outspoken morons, quickly
raised his hand and exclaimed:
"oh, what, we have to tell you when we need to go to the
bathroom?"

Umm, no Dave, that doesn't mean if you go cut a turd you
have to let me know. Just let me know if you decide to
fuck-off in your normal, everyday typical way, OK?

So it's for the Marges and Daves of the world, those that need
to either:
A. Hear themselves talk, or
B. Watch themselves write
that I guess I need to use some kind of disclaimer before being
critical and generalizing.

Or...I can go on and continue to address only those that don't have
a crutch stuck up their ass and have the ability to think for themselves.

Yup, I've decided...I'lll continue to address the second group, the group
that can actually think for themselves.

Marge and Dave, because I have to spell it out for you, this group
doesn't include either one of you, so Screw!

2 Western Women Kill the Mood In Bangkok

2006-05-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

All things come to an end, and unfortunately my visit to my
adopted future country was nearing a close.

I was hit with the cold slap of reality while dining in the Asia
Hotel restaurant in Bangkok, relaxing over good Thai food, a nice cold
Singha beer...and then, it happened...

The pissing and moaning of two Western women.

It started out lightly but then hit its crescendo as the background
noise became foreground noise and the cackling began to
invade my every thought as they spewed their poisonous venom.

It's too cold in here...
I don't like this table...
Can't we sit somewhere else...
My box hurts...
I want to sit by the window...
That waiter isn't going to be getting a tip from me...
Blah, blah, blah...

You know the kind of verbal diahrea that can only squirt from
the lips of a Western woman who's husband is not available for her
tee off on. What the hell were they doing in Bangkok anyway?
I'm thinking they were the high-powered corportate types
probably in town to give some kind of training.

What's amazing about the majority of the women of Thailand
is their good natured outlook and the lack of complaining about
all things under the sun that their Western counterparts have
made a sport out of.

Then again, when your use to sharing a room with 5 sisters and
working out in the field all day, where you sit in a restaurant is
taken for exactly what it is...a non-issue, or it's actually an
enjoyable experience.

So, it's back to the states to make enough dough so I can relocate
permanently to Pattaya. In the meantime I'll be getting over and
visiting every chance I get.